Risk. Now THAT is a scary word. I would not call myself a risk
taker. I am a safety girl. What am I so
afraid of? What is it about risk that causes me to panic and run the other way?
One word- failure. I hate to fail, who doesn't,
right? I think though it is more than
the failure for me, it is what it says about me, that I am not good enough,
that I am a disappointment. That I will disappoint God, people, myself. The
times I have risked, the majority of the time, it lead to great failure. So, I don’t risk, there is no failure and ultimately
no disappointment if I don’t risk, right? NOPE, a life with no risk, IS failure
because I am not fulfilling anything at all. I am in neutral, I am not failing
or anything but neither am I going anywhere or helping anyone
.
I was reading in Matthew this morning, where Peter got out
of the boat and began walking ON the water, in a storm no less, to Jesus.(
Matthew 14:22-31) I was thinking where would I be in that scene, I would NOT be
Peter that is for sure. I can think of a million reasons, really excuses (which
I am so good at) to why I would mess that up. I am clumsy, I am afraid, I can’t
swim. (excuses). Joyce Meyer says, “Excuses are reasons packed with a lie.” I think that is true, some of it (the excuse)
may be accurate but the lie is that I can’t do it because of it. I would be the one saying “go Peter, YOU can
do it.” I would be the cheerleader, not the doer and definitely not the risk
taker. I will watch you do it Peter and applaud you. Nothing wrong with that, I
very much enjoy and thrive on encouraging others, however, how many opportunities
have I missed because I wanted to do something, say something etc but I was
afraid of the risk, of looking stupid or being wrong. I think, quite a few opportunities.
I have always admired Peter; he is how I would like to be.
Bold. Fearless. What I love about this story
is that Peter started it. Jesus did not tell him to come on the water when he
comes on the scene, Peter asks for it and he gets it. I have to wonder if all the disciples asked,
would that have had the same experience? I am sure they could have, Jesus is no
respecter of persons, right? Jesus calls to Peter and he goes. He WALKS on
the water with the storm raging on around him, his eyes on Jesus.
Peter is succeeding, he is going to Jesus. All the sudden,
he FEELS the water hitting him and the winds swirling around him. He HEARS the
sound of the water crashing around his feet. For one instant, he looks down, he
looks away from Jesus. How often I have done this, to many times to
count. I FEEL the emotions of fear hitting me, the winds of doubt like a
hurricane around me. I hear the roaring sound of the enemy telling me that I
will fail and I take my eyes of Jesus for just one minute.. and I go down, just
like Peter. The wonderful thing here is
that Peter knew he could call on Jesus “ Lord, save me.”.. oh, how I have cried
those words to him and just like he came for Peter, he came for me. Jesus pulls
him up and says to Peter” oh why did you doubt, of you of little faith.” I have
always read this as a rebuke,, you doubted me, shame on you, but I don’t think it was. I think Jesus was saying , I was
here, I had you, don’t ever doubt that. It was not a rebuke, but Jesus assuring
him.
Did Peter fail? Yes he did, he failed to get all the way to
Jesus BUT Peter did go on the water when no one else did, he took a risk. He
had an experience with Jesus that no one else had because he stepped out. His
failure did not lead to his ruin but to a deeper understanding and a greater
experience with Jesus. Failure is not fatal unless we allow it to be. Unless, I allow
it to be. I think I am now ready to
risk, is it terrifying? Absolutely! Writing
these past two blogs have been heart thumping, upset stomach scary, it is
something that I have desired to do for a long time but I was afraid, afraid of
failure, of looking stupid. I am not so afraid anymore, because I know that
whatever the risk I take and whatever the outcome is, it will bring me into a
new experience with Jesus, be it through success or through failure.
That is how I am praying that I will look at risk from now
on, through the eyes of a new experience with Jesus, be it through success or
failure. I know he will work all out for good ( Rom 8:28) and that good is
always for me to know him more and to become more like HIM. That is a risk I am
more than willing to take.
